am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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