my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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