he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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