just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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