I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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