omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
