And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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