Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
