I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
