Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
