The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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