i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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