her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
