mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
