the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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