dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
