fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize