i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
