he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
