I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
