last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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