I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
