im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
