I'm so fucking centered right now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
