I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize