i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
