I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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