My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
