my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
