Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do herpes really smell.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
