i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
