I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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