I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
