people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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