Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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