just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize