just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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