Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize