Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
