Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
