what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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