You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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