I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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