Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
