I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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