grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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