I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
