He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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