Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
