So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
