What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
