I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You smell like stripper and shame
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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