even my farts smell like vagina
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
