Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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