pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
