i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
