I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize