She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
