Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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