Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
