Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
