jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
